Learning to Love: "The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz

Last year I had the opportunity to travel to Denver, Colorado for a week-long business trip.  It's a fairly short flight from the sticks of Montana to the city. I didn't really plan to do much except close my eyes for a bonus nap and open them for snack time.  When I found my seat, I was assigned next to a lovely lady who was reading "The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel Ruiz. We sat in silence as the airplane took off and finally I couldn't stay silent anymore because I really wanted to know about this book! So, I was brave and asked her what it was about. The result of that question? I did not get my usual in-flight nap because we ended up talking about the book for over an hour.  As we were making our final descent into Denver, I asked if I could see the cover again so I could write down the title and author. As soon as I could, I purchased a used copy on Amazon.

In spite of my prompt purchase, it still sat in the cozy book nook gathering dust because I wasn't ready to analyze my patterns of love in my life at the time. Life was very painful and full of sadness for a love lost and I just couldn't face it.  When the time finally came to read this book, it was at the perfect moment and I was so grateful I had followed through on the prompting to buy it as soon as I was home from my business trip many months prior.  As a rule for this blog, I try to stick with books that have legitimately been purchased at the thrift store, but this book was SO pivotal for me that it gets a spot during my month of books about love....because it's probably the most important book I've ever read about love.

Books like this can either be extremely beneficial and moving or they can create a cyclone of bewilderment on what we need to improve.  I totally get it.  Self-help books are generally a lengthy read for me because I like to digest the words and it takes time.  Although this book isn't very long, the content is amazing and it made me think....a lot. In an effort to summarize, but also leave enough to your own discovery, I will share a few points that really hit home for me.  No matter what, I think every human should read this book.  I know that's a really big, generalized statement, but I mean it.  The author shares tips about self-love and love of humanity that are so important.

1. When a human is born, the emotional mind, the emotional body, is completely healthy. Maybe around three or four years old, the first wounds in the emotional body start to appear and get infected with emotional poison. But, if you observe children who are two or three years old, if you see how they behave, they are playing all the time. You see them laughing all the time.  Their imagination is so powerful, and the way they dream is an adventure of exploration.  When something is wrong they react and defend themselves, but then they just let go and turn their attention to the moment again, to explore and have fun again.  They are not ashamed of their past; they are not worried about the future.  Little children express what they feel, and they are not afraid to love.  The happiest moments in our lives are when we are playing just like children, when we are singing and dancing, when we are exploring and creating just for fun.  

I love this concept. I'm blessed to be an aunt to four spectacular little humans and when I read this I thought about all of the glorious moments I've spent with them in their world of love and imagination.  Children are so literal, but they also move on so quickly. As adults, our emotional poison stops us from loving freely and moving on when we have been hurt.  That's ok because we are human, but we don't have to be stuck in a rut of bitterness and sadness forever.  Dig deep, grab some fruit snacks, your favorite coloring book, some crayons and head to the blanket fort to practice some solid, child-like self-love.

2. Life brings to you exactly what you need. There is perfect justice in hell. There is nothing to blame. We can even say that our suffering is a gift. If you just open your eyes and see what is around you, it's exactly what you need to clean your poison, to heal your wounds, to accept yourself, and to get out of hell.

This paragraph is underlined in orange marker in my book.  I needed this reminder when I read the book. I need it every, damn day.  What we need in our life is in our life right this second.  The hard part is understanding the why when our days feel like a living hell. I know! I've lived it many times.  I'd be full of shit if I told you that my days blink back to perfect when I put on a happy face and think happy thoughts.  The sadness is still there and it hurts BAD, but when I turn my focus to the good and the blessed, it makes it more bearable.  It makes it easier to tell myself, "you can do this, Raylynn. You're very blessed. There's a plan. God loves you. Don't give up." In my bathroom I have a note card that says, "You have worth." Every time I'm in there I read it to myself.  I have to remind myself. The critic in my brain is quick to convince me otherwise and love conquers the crazy, but not until I look in the mirror and say it out loud.

3. If we are in a war of control, it is because we have no respect. The truth is that we don't love. It is selfishness, not love. When we have no respect there is a war of control because each person feels responsible for the other. I have to control you because I don't respect you. I have to be responsible for you, because whatever happens to you is going to hurt me, and I want to avoid pain. This is what happens when we come from the track of fear. Because there is no respect, I act as though you are not good enough or intelligent enough to see what is good or not good for you.

This statement strikes some really raw nerves for me.  It's pretty self-explanatory, but I can share that this has affected me deeply both in my personal and professional life.  Most recently I've had some experiences that I'd love to say I got over quickly and moved on, but I didn't. It's taken some time, a lot of prayer and an ongoing effort to forgive.  The bitchy redhead in me would love to send a candy-gram on Valentine's Day to a few people with this quote written on it, but I know that's spiteful and pointless.  If reading this paragraph caused a twinge of guilt in your heart, step back and think about why. Are you controlling a situation or two in fear? Are you afraid that someone else's imperfection may result in your pain? Please be brave and face it.  It's a two-way street and I've had to work really, really hard to let up on the need to control in my life. Little by little I have been able to live with more love and less selfishness in my heart.

4. You can have a relationship that fulfills your dream of heaven; you can create a paradise, but you have to begin with you. Begin with complete acceptance of your body. Hunt the parasite, and make it surrender. Then the mind will love your body and will no longer sabotage your love. It's up to you; it's not up to anyone else. But first, you are going to learn how to heal your emotional body. 

Where do I begin? It's been a real struggle for me to accept my physical and emotional body in the last couple years.  The numbers on the scale have increased and my wardrobe has changed because of it.  Fashion has always mattered to me because it's fun, but, in spite of having some seriously cute outfits, I didn't have a lot of self-love to go with it.  So it was kind of a train wreck when I didn't have those cute clothes to hide behind and lacked self-love.  It is an absolute work in progress for me all day, every day to love the fluffier Raylynn.  Some days I'm ok with the curves, other days I curse them and grimace at photos.  However, I have made a conscious effort to have self-love as my priority so that I can heal my emotional body. My emotional body was really, really broken when I took that trip to Denver last January and I only knew about part of it at the time.  Since then, I've had to dig deep and camp in my figurative blanket tent to figure out what needed to be fixed aka hunting the parasite.

I hope these passages have given you some insight on learning to love as well as enlighten on ways you might improve.  The internal battle of self-love is 100% real for all of us because we are human.  I know that learning to wash out the poison and hunting the parasite makes a difference, but it is not easy or an overnight occurrence.  It takes time and patience.

My recommended reading group would be anyone who can read an amazing chapter book about how to show more love in life. You be the judge of what age that means.

The moral of the story: Learning to love is an eternal life lesson.  That means the lesson plan can change at any time as well as the people involved. Live life with love, not fear. You can do it and so can I.

Happy reading, my amazing, geeky lovelies!
-R



Other Books by Don Miguel Ruiz

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